I have a Blog and I don't know how to use it.

Okay. I have been really out of touch. I wrote a blog two days ago at work but because they are Internet Nazi's I can't use the internet. So what did i do? I wrote it out on paper. Oh yea i got them back... they cant stop me from writing on paper!......... but now I have to type it to post it. :(

I'll be back soon!

So the first dance. Well we weren't going to have one and i was perfectly happy about that. I hate people staring at me and if i get all emotional I would have for everyone to see. BUT my mom begged and pleaded and so since t wasn't that big a deal to me I decided to do it.
Asking Michael what song he wanted was a pointless because he doesn't see music and lyrics in that way. So at first I just picked a song I liked and that was At Last by Etta James. The song is beautiful and although I love it the song really didn't have meaning for us. Then one day i came across a Paul McCartney song that I love called "Maybe I'm Amazed." The song as sung by him is too rock and not mellow enough to slow dance to but as i did some searching I found one sung by a group called Jem. When I heard the song it just fit. The song was perfect. It is my song to him.

So here it is:

"Maybe I'm Amazed"

Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Love Me All The Time
Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Way I Love You
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Pulled Me Out Of Time
And Hung Me On A Line
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way I Really Need You


Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe I'm A Lonely Girl
Who's In The Middle Of Something
That She Doesn't Really Understand

Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe You're The Only Man
Who Could Ever Help Me
Baby Won't You Help Me Understand

Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You're With Me All The Time
Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Way I Leave You
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Help Me Sing My Song
Right Me When I'm Wrong
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way I Really Need You


Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe I'm A Lonely Girl
Who's In The Middle Of Something
That She Doesn't Really Understand

Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe You're The Only Man
Who Could Ever Help Me
Baby Won't You Help Me Understand

Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You're With Me All The Time
Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Way I Leave You
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Help Me Sing My Song
Right Me When I'm Wrong
Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way I Really Need You

30 days to go!!

So the countdown has begun to the wedding day. I have 30 days and counting. So far everything is in order and i now start giving my deposits and final payments.
I just sent an email to the Dj finalizing some of the songs and well here is the final list:

Ceremony:
Michael & bridal party: In your eyes - Vitamin String Quartet, Peter Gabriel
Bride Entrance: Just Like Heaven - Vitamin String Quartet, The Cure
Our Exit: Today - Vitamin String Quartet, Smashing Pumpkins

Reception
Bridal Party: Sargent Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band (intro), Beatles
Parents: Young at Heart, Frank Sinatra
Mr & Mrs Presents: Crazy little thing called love, Queen

1st Dance: Okay, I am going to make a separate post for the one.
Father /Daughter Dance: Have a little faith in me, John Haitt
Cake: Grow old with you, Adam Sandler
Garter: Here comes the snake, Cherry Poppin Daddies
Bouquet Toss: Sex and the City Theme
Last Dance: At Last, Etta James (originally the 1st dance)

So I think that's it. Any suggestions or am I missing any songs??

Last day at work.

Today is my last day at my current job. It is kind of sad because I have been some pretty awesome people and I will miss them dearly. At the same time I can’t wait. Most of the people here have been great and I know that everyone has their moments but there will be a couple of people that I will not miss at all. Actually it is one of the main reasons that I left.

I understand that everyone goes through stuff in life and that it may change who they are. Some for the better and some for the worse but I will never understand how people can be just plain mean.

I have one person that I work with that has been the biggest problem. They refuse to accept any order basically help out. They constantly talk about me behind my back and on occasion I have heard a couple of “interpretations” of an event that is completely false. I will say that this has been the hardest one. That person was one that I helped a lot when I first started and I would take a lot of the jobs I knew where too touch so that they would not have to deal with it. I also tried to teach them things that they did not know how to do on the programs. In the end our friendship ended the day they tried to tell my boss that I was not relaying information and procedures to the department. Thank god that they know she is a bit of an exaggerator and didn’t take her seriously. I just felt like I had been taken advantage of. So as I took the knife out of my back I went ahead and ended all non-work related interaction with them. I refused and of course things just got better from there. The little comments and arguments became worse. The great thing was that since that person was known for that I was given great advice on how to handle it but not that I took it. I am not a passive person or at least I am to a certain extent and then I just blow up over a stupid thing. I swear that because of my experience with this I will NEVER want to be anybody’s boss. I feel that if you are a grown person you do what you have to do you do it without having someone on your ass telling you to do it. Oh and even better was the fact that person would complain about my work habits and yet they would disappear for 15 minutes about 5 times a day to take a smoke break and another 10 minutes 2-3 times a day to walk around and talk or “throw out the trash.”

Agh… I really just needed to vent that. I also have another person who asked me for a couple favors and never even bother to say thank you. They needed my services for a couple of things and they were always the type that gave attitude, was rude or mean and just treated you like crap all the time for no apparent reason and I still tried to over look it as nothing personal but when I recently did a small favor for her she didn’t even bother to thank me. I mean I have always tried to be nice to this girl, she’s gone through some shitty times but she doesn’t seem to soften up.

Oh well. It’s the end of my day here and I am sad in sating good bye to people. I am really going to miss them and the friendships I have formed. They have been the best people I have worked with and I only hope that I can find people like them in my new job… well except for those two.lol.

Untitled.

A sad event with a hope for a fresh start.

Ignorance is bliss? Well what is Pride?

Okay back from lunch and I am very upset. For those of you that read www.bookwormygirl.blogspot.com she touched on a subject that is just going crazy. We have a family feud and it’s just getting so upsetting. We have the wedding coming up and mike refuses to invite them. They refuse to see us. It is something so stupid but I can also see how it could have hurt him. No there is a family member that is really sick and no one wants to go visit because they fear that they will be turned away. I went once and I am afraid to go again incase I am not wanted. If god forbid that he passes will going to the funeral be forbidden? Those people have always been extremely nice and they are not even involved in this. When does it just go too far?

I mean that is his sister and he wasn’t included in a special part of his niece’s life. Everyone was but him. I can see how that can hurt. It can make you feel as if you aren’t important and I see that’s how he felt. Had they just told him and explained what happened this whole thing would have been avoided. Had he just told them that he didn’t like what happened it would have been avoided? I know if I was in his shoes I would not have said anything. I would have waited to see if they said anything to me and see if they cared enough that it bothered me. He says he doesn’t care but I could see it in him. He does.

I also understand that there is more history there than I can understand but I have had a similar situation happen in my family. My mom, grandmother and aunt had an argument with my uncle and it broke up the family for 10 years. Though that time we all had deaths, birthdays, graduations, babies and hardship where we could have been there for each other and instead pride got in the way and stopped us from being there. We went through things alone and in the end it was not worth it. All of that wasted time for something that should never stand in the way of family.

Now this fall-out isn’t between my family but between the family I am marrying into. I really love his family cuz they are as dysfunctional as mine but still together. I am extremely sad because his sister won’t share in our wedding, when her brother has his first child, through birthdays and they won’t be there through times when family is needed. Then I get upset because its all over something so small that a simple I am sorry would have fixed it all. I understand her not wanting to be the one to bend because she always has when it came to other family matters but this is a brother and sister. A brother who can be a jerk but never has gotten into a fight with her and who really had no fault in what has happened.

Anyways, maybe I shouldn’t be expressing my thoughts on this because it is not my family but it’s something that just really depresses me and I know will just divide the family more and more. Especially as events happen and people refuse to go so that they aren’t confronted.

Mini-freak outs and more!

So I am now in full wedding planning mode. I have 45 days until the day. I have almost everything planned and well I am now a bit worried over lighting. Lol. I am so far beyond lame. Why the fuck am I worried about lighting? Well mainly because I have 175 paper lanterns and only 110 of them have little tea lights. I gotta buy 65 more and the contact I had has fallen off the planet. So now I refuse to pay more than a $1 for each. I got them for 65 cents before. Anyways. I also don’t know if I should rent tent lights or if I should just go with Christmas lights (hung high so that they don’t look cheese) and the paper lanterns and the candles. Why am I even worrying about this; we should just have it in the darkness of night. Everyone looks better in the dark anyways.

Well done with that mini freak-out. I am trying to focus now on planning some baby showers that we got booked for. I am really excited for on in Oct. she is having a girl and we are going to do a sugar and spice theme. I already know the centerpiece that we will use and I am excited to make the dummy. It will be an apothecary jar layered with flour, brown sugar, chocolate chips, cinnamon sticks, and whatever else I can throw in. Then it will be topped off with a pretty bow in pink. I will also do rock candy scattered around the table in pink. So those are my plans.. for now

Back to the wedding. I finally figured what I would do for decor on the side of the aisles. I am going to do bear grass. Yay me. I could not figure it out and I don’t want flowers. Also I changed the song that mike and I are dancing to. Its my song to him and it fits so perfect. I love it. It’s a cover of a Paul McCartney song but Paul McCartney does it too heavy so I found a slow version of it J

Back... after a long long long hiatus

So i have been super busy planning the wedding and I have kinda gotten into it. I got so into it that I started up a side business planning events and even did a baby shower and have another booked for October. Yea I guess I got carried away.

So the updates.

Sent out the invites but still have a couple left (bad me the RSVP is due this week!)
Got the flower girl dresses started (i freaking love them!)
Added a bridesmaid (a very very good friend)
Bought environmentally friendly disposable cups for the bar area
Got the wedding bands
Michael bought his attire :)
Super excited that I got the cake details set (www.mightyfinecakes.com)

So yea i have been extremely busy.

Oh i am starting a new job on Monday and i am a bit freaked out. Its a small move but i hope its for the better. At least its more money :) always a plus.

Michael and I are also looking for an apartment/house to buy. I want a small price range because I don't want a huge payment difference from what i pay now(makes it easier for mike to agree.) We found an apartment but unfortunately they put it up for auction and it sold making our offer pointless.

Anyway.. so thats whats new. I will now post some pictures of an invite i designed for the baby shower and i will try to get the pictures posted as soon as i can get them from my friend. She sent me some but all of those were blurry! I need to find my camera charger so that i can take pictures. I am a bit upset that we dont have good pics of the event.

Rant

Okay so I am having a bad one today.

Work is a pain in the ass and life is also a pain in the ass. I saw a video yesterday that just makes me a little prouder in having an environmentally conscious wedding.
It kinda sucks cuz you tell people you need to have certain things a certain way and they look at you like a) you’re an idiot b) your some hippie freak or C) both a hippie freak who’s an idiot.
The truth is that while I do many things to try and minimize my carbon footprint I also feel bad for caring.

Yet this is what I don’t understand. You have a kid or two or three and you love them right? SO you do everything possible for them, you buy them every single toy they want and you move mountains to care and protect them BUT you get in your SUV (or gas guzzling car) and drive to the toy stores and you use products that contain god knows what and your feed them pesticides and then you put them to bed in sheet that some 7 year old made while earning pennies. Do we ever stop and think about where our stuff comes from and what someone might have gone through to make them?
A lot of us live our live (including me) not really giving anything a second thought. We don’t care about global warming because it isn’t directly affecting us. We don’t care about child slavery because it’s not out child and we don’t have to buy it from that little child either. We don’t care about world hunger because we have food in our fridge. We don’t care about the kid next door that’s dying of cancer because our child is healthy. So when do you care? When do you invest time or some money into helping those charities? Truth is none of us do.

Would you give up your daily Starbucks to fund a sick child’s wish? Would you trade in your car for a eco-friendly car so that your children may not suffer starvation and the effects of a world that’s run out of time? Would you buy fair trade products so that factories are forced to change illegal practices?

Many of us would not. We all use the great phrase “well one person won’t make a difference”. If I have ever hated a phrase, that one has to be one of my top 3. The truth is that we are a society that waits for something to be trendy to do it. We wait for everyone else to do it so we can too. We don’t want to be different or stand out. We don’t want to sacrifice unless we can be recognized for it. It’s insane to think that we can make a difference if each of us just unplugged the TV (and most household appliances) while we were at work. It doesn’t take much to do it, and it takes 5 seconds to plug it back. We would save $15 a month if we did that. If we bought candles that were soy or beeswax. Bought recycled paper (both for office use and for our home.) If we used canvas bags instead if plastic bags (this I am guilty of and I am trying to use my canvas bags more)

It just kinda sucks that people think you do these things cuz either you have no money or you’re cheap or you’re a crazy tree hugger. The truth is am neither. I am not short on cash, I am not cheap (as being environmentally friendly can sometimes cost more) and I am no tree hugger. I just don’t see how they can tell us we are too oil dependant (words from President Bush) and we continue to turn a blind eye. This is a man that makes billions from us being oil dependant. I think we should all stop thinking about what’s the next material thing I can get my hands on and we should start helping out a bit more. Whether it will happen within our own homes or whether we will begin to give a helping hand to those outside our homes, I think it’s time we all changed.

Agh so that’s my rant. It just really irks me and I hate people sometimes. The reason for my rant is because so many people have made stupid comments as to why I am doing things this way. Why I refuse to pay for a floor for the tent, why I don’t want chair covers, why I hate bows, and it goes on and on and on. I am not broke nor will I go broke planning this LITTLE wedding. I don’t believe that spending 30, 50,100 thousand dollars is my goal. I think a wedding is like any other step you take in life. I think having a baby, buying a house, staying together 25 years, using canvas instead of plastic are way more important things than a wedding. Yes it’s a nice day and you share it with people, but I think that the money people spend on a wedding can be life changing money for most people.

Photography

Okay so I am getting into this blogging thing.

I feel like I am missing something. It’s one of those days when you sit at work and KNOW that you have a thousand other things to do. I have to mail out some paper lanterns that were too green. I need to do that today so that I can get my money back. I also have some eBay stuff that I sold last week that I need to mail out. I am such a procrastinator. I also have to meet a wish kid and have not had the time or energy to set that up.

I am at work, but not really here. I am super annoyed by every task that I have to do and it’s mainly because I am tired. This time change has kicked my butt. I could not get to sleep until 4 am (3 am in old time). I woke up at 6 thinking it was 7 when it was really 6.

So far the greatest thing about my day is that I found this photographer that I wish I could afford. Main reason I can’t afford him is because he would have to fly in. This guys work fits everything that I love about photography. It’s as if he saw the world though my eyes. It’s not your typical wedding photography so many might not like it… but I freaking love it!. I think a lot of things are a waste of money, but I would gladly waste my money on this. I would forgo the whole wedding just for this guy.

Okay so now that I ranted on that. I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that I was speaking to my hubby’s sister about the wedding. As of this moment she is not invited because of a fall out he’s had with her. If it was up to me I would invite her because she is family but it’s not my say. I’ll explain further one day. Anyways I was telling her in my dream to talk to him because I wanted her there. I said I would not get more involved and that it was up to them after I said that. She looked at me like she was going to start yelling. She gets a phone call and when she is done she tells me, “You are lucky. I am in a good mood right now. I’ll talk to him” But then after that I woke up… thinking it was 7 (2nd paragraph explains that confusion.)


Well anyways check some of his stuff out.

http://www.vada-voom.com/

So i was searching through the internet and I found one of the greatest statements. I think I will share.

"I, on the other hand, am not surrounded by giggly girls. I am surrounded by vehement anti-brides. They’re all married. Not one of them bought a wedding dress from a bridal boutique. They didn’t sweat the minutiae, they didn’t fret about the menu, they didn’t freak about seating plans. They didn’t have violins, or limos, or lots of people in tuxedos. They lived full lives thinking about lots of other things, and when the time came, each one put on a dress (bought off the rack), walked down a nondenominational aisle toward a nontraditional officiant, announced (literally, in my friend Beth’s case), "Okay, I’m here. Let’s get married," and got married. After which they announced (literally, in my friend Gail’s case), "Okay, let’s drink." And then they drank. And it was good. They didn’t launch yearlong tactical exercises rivaled only by the preparations for D-Day."

Rock on with your bad self! But then I read on and when she got engaged she was sucked into the whole bridal song and dance. I pray for her. lol.

The Dance

Hello again.

So I wanted to share a little dilemma that I am going through. I am not a dancer and neither is Mike. I don't like doing the whole wedding tradition stuff. I don't want to toss the bouqet, or the garter or the dancing. I know everyone thinks that I should. My mom and everyone keeps bugging me about it and to tell you the truth I will probably give in. What people don't understand is the FEAR that I have. I mean straight up sweatly palms, pale face, heart pounding FEAR!

But putting that aside I am CONSIDERING doing the father/daughter dance IF, and ONLY IF, I can find a song to dance.

Everyone might think that is an easy task, but i refuse to dance a sappy "you were always there for me" song. Reason being that he wasn't always there and things have not always been peachy. There were many many years that I didn't speak to my dad, or couldn't stand him, hated him, cared for him, loved him, resented him and the just finally stopped judging him. I want a song to say all that. I know its a lot to say, but I am sure that some tortured rock star wrote a song that fits.

So I have a while to search for a song and unless I find one that I think fits, there will be none of that. Oh and I have tried to get the hubby to dance.... not happening. BUT in case he changes his mind out of pity I at least figured out our song. With or Without You by U2

The Begining

So I am engaged and I thought this would be a great thing. That is until I realized I am engaged to a guy. Now don't get me wrong, I am happy and everything, but it was a harsh realization when I figured out they could care less about colors, favors or any other detail that involves their opinion. "Just do whatever you like dear" ... That can come to bite him in the ass later *evil laughter*

So I now find enjoyment in telling the guy that works with me (who's married and prob went through this with his wife) all the details my dear hubby could care less about. The guy does look at me like I am a weirdo, but oh well i am his boss and he has got to listen and smile.

Also let me start off by saying that although I am kinda secretly excited to be planning this I do find it a big waste of money. I know that is a shock to most bride-to-be's ears, but who cares. These things really are a big fat waste of money. You plan this event to mean something to you, you want it your way, and people will always say stupid things. If you like something one way and it's cheaper that way, people will say that you don't want to do it cuz you don't have money. If you do something to fancy people will say that your better then people and stupid for wasting money. So i have decided to let everyone kiss my ass and suck it up if they don't like it! Plan your own party.

Before we got engaged we had always talked about going to Vegas. When we got engaged I really wanted to go to Vegas. When I told my mom I was engaged, I told her I wanted to go to Vegas. My mom said NO.

Now had this been any other person telling me No, I would have laughed and continued on. BUT she played the "your my only daughter" card and I gave in. I know that I shouldn't have but since then she has gotten so happy and excited over planning this. I think thats what has actually gotten me on board. So now I am planning a wedding with a $3,000 budget. I will not spend more than that.

This blog will serve as my sounding board for stupid comments, feedback and whatever else I need to go on and on and on about :)